Who Knew?
by gloriakazama
Summary: It's been 3 weeks since Natsume's death. Almost everyone has coped up the the loss of the beloved Black Cat but Mikan is still in despair and doesn't know how to deal with it. Even if she tries.


Who Knew?

Summary: One-shot. Warning: There is profanity (swearing or bad-words here so if you don't like to read those, do not read this. Don't worry! There's only small swearing here only 1 paragraph has some swearing so yeah.) It's been three weeks since Natsume's death. Almost everyone has coped up with the loss of the beloved Black Cat (even Ruka; his best friend and his sister, Aoi) but Mikan is still in despair and doesn't know how to deal with it even if she tries.

**A/N:** Hey guys! This is my first fic. but don't expect a lot of errors because I hate those so I will definitely do a double take. I will still need a beta though! Thanks! Warning: there will be some OOC here. This is a one-shot. _Song_ is in _Italics, _story isn't. And the song is Who Knew by Pink.

Disclaimer: I DO** NOT** own Gakuen Alice!

_~~NATUMEXMIKAN~~NATSUMEXMIKAN~~NATSUMEXMIKAN_

Mikan went to "their spot". The Sakura tree, where they spend most of their free time in. That was where Natsume was buried. She set down the flowers and manga she bought him by his grave. Then, finally, her knees buckled and her tears silently broke out. It's the first time in 3 weeks (three weeks after Natsume's funeral) that she cried. (Listen to Who Knew by Pink)

_You took my hand, you showed me how. You promised me you'd be around. Uhuh, that's right._

She knelt at where they would usually lie and looked at the carving Natsume carved for her. It said 'Natsume & Mikan together forever.' And below it was a well-drawn (actually well-burnt) drawing of Natsume lying under Mikan stroking her hair as she lay on him eater howalons. Both of them really happy at the moment.

_I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me. Uhuh, that's right. _

She received a letter from Tsubaka-senpai after he had told her of Natsume's unfortunate condition. The letter said:

Dear Polka,

If you are reading this letter, that probably means I'm gone. I'm sorry I left you all alone. You don't deserve that. You deserve much better. And me? I'm not better. I don't deserve you. You have made me smile through my darkest times and what have I done for you? Tease you about your underwear and laugh at your mess ups? That's unacceptable. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Do you remember when you asked me why I chose you?

_*Flashback*_

"_Natsume?"_

"_Hn" replied Natsume bored_

"_Why me?" asked Mikan in a sad tone_

"_What do you mean?" asked Natsume, who is now curious._

"_There are a lot of other girls out there who are more beautiful, more smart and cute, who have more womanly figures and personalities than I ever will have, who are interested in you. So why did you choose me?" asked Mikan starting to tear up. _

_Natsume pulled on Mikan's shoulder so that she is facing him. Then he lifted her chin and passionately kissed her. He stood up and reached his hand out to her as he said "Come on polka, it's time for lunch" Mikan was too stunned to answer and forgot about her question. So, she just reached her hand out and quietly followed him._

_*End of flashback*_

Well, here's your answer. Mikan, I chose you because to me, and probably to the rest of the world, you are the most beautiful creation ever made. Your harmonic voice makes angels green with envy. Your bubbly personality lifts up even the darkest clouds. Your laughter gets even the gloomiest person to smile. Your slim and slender figure makes even the goddess of beauty herself stunned of admiration. Your beautiful face can make the most beautiful treasure look repulsive when compared to you. And finally, your smile, can light up even the deepest depths of hell. So there you go Mikan. I chose you because you are so much better than anyone ever will be. If anything, I should be wondering why YOU chose ME. I have been the crappiest boyfriend ever. I laughed when you fell, always ignored your cries, only replied to you with "hn" and grunted answers. I regret doing all that. I should have been better, more caring, more loving, and treated everyday like it was the last.

_If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out 'cause they're all wrong. I know better cause you said forever and ever. Who knew?_

Thank you for all the times when you defended our relationship. You've always mustered up the courage to reply to them and say that they're all stupid and ignorant and don't know anything about love. Then, sometimes even hit them.

_*Flashback*_

_Mikan and Natsume were lying by the Sakura tree when a dark figure covered their view. They looked up and were surprised to see Persona standing right in front of them. What he said after was the most horrifying thing in the scene. "Enjoy him while you can Sakura-chan"_

_Mikan, angered at Persona for saying Natsume was gonna die, slapped Persona and screamed "You are gonna be the one who needs to enjoy your time if you don't get outta here right now!" _

"_Oh? And what will you do little girl?" Mikan grabbed his hand and twisted it so that his elbow is now facing the sky. Then, she lifted her foot and stomped as hard as she could on his joint (elbow). Persona screamed in pain as the bone came out of his arm. Natsume was in shock at the same time terrified of the girl in front of him. Mikan has been more protective of Natsume after him getting kidnapped and almost killed a few months before the day they're having. _

_*End of flashback*_

I'm sorry I have never defended out relationship once. Even when we were on the verge of breaking up you were the one that fought for us all the way.

'That's not true Natsume' Mikan shakily thought

I wish I can be there for you now, holding you as you cry. I'm sorry for being the reason why you're crying, Mikan. You know I hate it when you cry. It makes me feel so angry and it makes me want to kill the person who did this to you, even if it was me. I'm so sorry Mikan, for everything. I love you so much Mikan, and I'm sorry I never said this enough. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you, Mikan Sakura. And I wish I shouted this at the top of the highest building when I was alive. But now, it's too late.

Mikan, before I go, I want you to know that I want you to be happy. As much as it pains me to write this, I want you to find someone else. Be happy with them. Get married, have children, do whatever you want, just be happy. Even if you're with another man, I will still love you. But before you leave to be happy, please save a piece of your heart for me. I know it's selfish to ask but I need to know that you still have a place for me. Even if it's the teeniest, tiniest bit, just for me. Please. I love you.

-Natsume

_Remember when we were such fools, and so convinced and just too cool? Oh no, no no._

_I wish I could touch you again. I wish I could still call you friend, I'd give anything._

Mikan closed the letter and shoved it back in her envelope, and put it in her pocket. She cried and cried not caring every time her stomach growled or her throat hurt because to her it would always hurt. She didn't even bother to move when her knees ached from the position she was in. She stayed there in the same position silently weeping until it started to get dark.

_When someone said count your blessings now 'for they're long gone. I guess I just didn't know how I was all wrong. _

_They knew better, still you said forever and ever. Who knew? Yeah, yeah._

_I'll keep you locked you in my head, until we meet again. Until we, until we meet again. And I won't forget you my friend, what happened?_

Suddenly, something came over Mikan and she screamed at the sky "What happened to your promise huh Natsume? *sob* you said you'd always be here for me! When I cry, *sob* when I'm mad, *sob* when I'm bored, *sob* even when I'm horny! *sob* you said…*sob* you said you'd never leave me! *sob* you said you'd stay by my side no matter what! *sob* So why the fuck aren't you here? *sob* Why aren't you beside me right now stroking my damn hair while I cry about all the problems of this shitty life?*sob* Why did you fucking leave me when I needed you the most? *sob* I was always there for you! *sob* so why won't you return the fucking favour huh? *sob* Answer me!*sob*" Her tone started going down as she repeated this mantra " Answer me *sob* answer me *sob* answer me *sob* answer me *sob*" Then she screamed a scream that sounded so much in agony that it made you want to cry. Mikan screamed until the pain in her throat was unbearable. She slowly fell against the tree and when she was sitting, she hugged her knees and continued to cry her eyes out.

_If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out 'cause they're all wrong._

_And that last kiss, I'll cherish until we meet again. And time makes it harder, I wish I could remember! _

Hours later, after thinking about what she said, she quietly walked to Natsume's tomb stone and whispered "I'm sorry for yelling Natsume. I was just angry. I'm in so much pain right now; but it's not your fault. You're not the reason why I'm not eating or sleeping or bathing or smiling, it's me. I can't learn to let go, Natsume. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll forget you and leave you all alone, and will always forget to visit your grave. It's scary to be all alone in the world. It's frightening to know that you are not with now Natsume. I just can't do it. But I have to. Not only for me, but for our friends, our family, and most importantly, for you.

_But I'll keep your memory; you visit me in my sleep. My darling, who knew?_

_My darling, who knew? My darling, who knew? My darling, I miss you. My darling, who knew? _

She kissed his tomb stone and lit up some candles she brought with her. She got up and slowly walked away. She turned around one more time and whispered, "I love you Natsume"

**THE END.**

_~~NATUMEXMIKAN~~NATSUMEXMIKAN~~NATSUMEXMIKAN_

**A/N: Sooo…..! Wha'dya think? Too sad? Too sappy? What? Tell me all your thoughts by reviewing or PMing me. K? -Gloria**


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